I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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