You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
