I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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