hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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