I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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