You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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