I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize