By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
