I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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