last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
