So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
