I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
