dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
