I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
