i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
