The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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