I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
this will be a night to untag.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
