A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my shit smells like andre
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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