I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
