I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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