i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
