The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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