i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
