Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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