Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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