help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
