We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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