Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
