Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
