Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
