whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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