I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
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I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
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I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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