so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
