weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT