I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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