when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...