you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.