Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (894) Bad night (3913)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.

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  (617): Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die. http://tfl.nu/uh26
  Replies (6) Good night (672) Bad night (1944)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy

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  (304): hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy http://tfl.nu/s01j
  Replies (11) Good night (4043) Bad night (1378)
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  (310): View more from California

  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

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  (310): do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking? http://tfl.nu/6m2c
  Replies (30) Good night (2090) Bad night (10100)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's never allowed to turn 21 again

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  (702): She's never allowed to turn 21 again http://tfl.nu/eyqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4645) Bad night (883)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.

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  (570): Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas. http://tfl.nu/sn85
  Replies (5) Good night (2098) Bad night (524)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!

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  (580): I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever! http://tfl.nu/u7rz
  Replies (6) Good night (3406) Bad night (664)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying

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  (609): Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying http://tfl.nu/j2oh
  Replies (8) Good night (2855) Bad night (916)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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  (978): I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed. http://tfl.nu/ypwz
  Replies (6) Good night (940) Bad night (2209)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.

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  (620): Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/471z
  Replies (6) Good night (1314) Bad night (539)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.

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  (612): She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did. http://tfl.nu/uugg
  Replies (9) Good night (1161) Bad night (857)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there

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  (416): I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there http://tfl.nu/n5pg
  Replies (9) Good night (740) Bad night (328)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  It's 4 in the afternoon........

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  (860): Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong (1-860): It's 4 in the afternoon........ http://tfl.nu/ra1k
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (258)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.

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  (720): Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality. http://tfl.nu/zwr4
  Replies (0) Good night (401) Bad night (273)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.

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  (202): As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring. http://tfl.nu/gw6v
  Replies (22) Good night (1919) Bad night (303)

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