Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.