Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile