ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
