I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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