As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
