I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
