I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize