His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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