he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
