Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
