It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
