so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
