based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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