I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
