I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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