So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
