So gin and wine won't be happening again
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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