What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
