Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
