U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
