Sry I called you an 8
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
