i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
