hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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