Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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