I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize