i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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