we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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