I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
