im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
