Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
