I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sext me about skeletons
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
